Recent discoveries have given light to the possible relationship between Gov. Rick Scott and alleged intergalactic gangster Jabba the Hutt.
For years, law enforcement agencies have claimed that Jabba’s multiple businesses are fronts for his crime syndicate. Jabba is the CEO of Hutt Enterprises Inc., which is a non-profit organization in charge of
Kessel spice dispensaries. Since taking over at HEI, Jabba has denied any connection to illegal activities. Jabba also owns numerous cantinas and spaceports.
Suspicion arose this month when Lt. Gov. Jennifer Carroll resigned after being questioned during an investigation on gambling in pod racing. Carroll is not accused of any wrongdoing. In an unprecedented move, Scott shutdown the office of the lieutenant governor and placed a Rancor inside.
Rancors are not indigenous to Florida and are very difficult to obtain a permit for domestication. Public records on the desert planet Tatooine show the only legal ownership of a Rancor belonged to Robert “Boba” Fett, a freelance consultant for HEI.
Fett could not be reached for question. The night before an arranged interview with The Voyeur, freshman intern Porkins was found in a ditch, frozen in carbonite. Fett has since gone missing.
Porkins and his red shirt will be missed.
In a press conference last week, Scott denied the allegations of any connection to the Hutt organized crime family.
“That is absolutely absurd,” Scott said. “I have never had a connection to intergalactic organized crime, nor will I ever have a connection to it. Mr. Hutt is a community leader and philanthropist, and I will not support such allegations against him or myself.
“It’s as if a proton torpedo was shot through a two-meter-wide thermal exhaust port,” he said. “It’s impossible.”
If Scott attempted to hide the historical connections to Jabba, he didn’t do it well. In 1997, Scott was chairman and CEO of the Columbia Hospital Corporation while it was being investigated by the FBI and the Department of Health and Human Services. The investigation dealt with the unethical transportation of many prescription drugs that the CHH used. The investigators believed that the drug spice found on the asteroid Kessel was illegally obtained and smuggled to dispensaries. Scott later resigned from CHH, but was never investigated.
Many of the dispensaries in question are owned and operated by HEI. Jabba’s company has been questioned for years as to the method the business obtain Kessel spice. Even with the evidence against the fact, HEI have always claimed to obtain Kessel spice in a legal and professional way.
The possible connection was brought up again during the 2010 Florida gubernatorial campaign. Scott claimed to use $75 million of his own money, but anonymous sources claimed most of this money was given to Scott by Jabba as a 2008 Life Day present. According to an anonymous source, Scott met Jabba in the 1990’s when Scott was co-owner of the Texas Rangers baseball team with Senator Palpatine.
In a speech outside his winter home in Boca Raton, Fla., Jabba said that Scott and he were just friends and then praised Scott’s work.
“Ooka Cheeka dey Scott ban yo Florida,” Jabba said. “Don Hooba gey tu troi Scott, Rubio de Nixon seeya, Nob treesa Obama. Bango wa teho Peecha wan Obamacare.
“Oh hoh hoh hoh hoh,” Jabba said.