Dunkin’ Donuts
Mike Greear News Editor
It’s no coincidence that ever since Dunkin’ Donuts opened its new Pensacola branch on Jan. 20 there have been lines of people wrapped around the building from open to close.
This town has had a Dunkin’ Donuts deficiency for too long, and Krispy Kreme was simply not cutting the mustard.
Yes, Krispy Kreme does alert customers to when their doughnuts are at their freshest, allowing you to buy warm, gooey doughnuts the second they come off the assembly line.
But their recipe is far too sweet and their variety is simple and unimaginative. Dunkin’ Donuts has a far superior line of baked goods and pastries, and the menu can be accessed from 5 a.m. to 11 p.m. daily for a satisfying meal.
There are more than just doughnuts to select from, so you don’t run the risk of gorging on sweets at an inappropriate time during the day.
My typical breakfast order at Dunkin’ Donuts is a toasted everything bagel with veggie cream cheese and a medium coffee. The bagel is hearty and exquisite, offering a creamy alternative to an early morning sugar rush, and the coffee at Dunkin’ Donuts is second to none.
It is without a shred of pretense or hyperbole that I declare Dunkin’ Donuts coffee to be the only coffee I’ve ever purchased from a fast food joint that is remarkably superior to any coffee I have ever make at home.
I would even go so far as to speculate that such a divine nectar could only be extracted from the vivisected testicles of the Greek god Hermes.
The combination of the coffee and the bagel make for a simple yet satiating breakfast — far more satisfying than the coma-inducing sugar bombs that Krispy Kreme tries to drop on you every morning.
Just as the people of Gotham City need a hero, the people of Pensacola need an amazing fast food doughnut shop.
We have been under Krispy Kreme’s reign of mediocrity for far too long. It is clear that the people of this town want something better — a smarter menu that includes bagels and coffee made from god balls.
This is what Dunkin’ Donuts has bestowed upon us, and why we can never again settle for simply being a Krispy Kreme town.
Krispy Kreme
Josh de Leon Arts and Entertainment Editor
I wasn’t aware at the time of pulling on that big “D” that I was going to get so screwed.
Dunkin’ Donuts has been, by far, the most overrated thing in my recent memory since the Nintendo 3-D. But at least the 3-D gave some control over how bad it could be. Dunkin’ Donuts is just bad.
Days prior to the grand opening, people I worked and attended class with hyped up the new addition, or, readdition to Pensacola.
They expressed such a palpable excitement that even I, one who possesses the tendency of “if the world goes one way, I go the other,” was onboard with the new store. I should go with my first instincts all the time.
Here’s the thing with Dunkin’ Donuts: They are famous for their coffee and unfortunately those nasty, overpriced doughnuts.
I imagine that the research and development section of Dunkin’ just decided that it would be better to come up with the most ridiculous concoction of flat-tasting sweets and put them on the menu. Just because orange and pink sprinkles look satisfying to the palette, doesn’t mean that they are.
All the Facebook updates about how excited everyone was about this place and how good it is left a worse taste in my mouth than those revolting baked pastries of Dunkin’ Donuts.
I’m sure people will realize how mediocre Dunkin’ Donuts really is and will make their way back Pensacola’s one and only, truly rightful doughnut chain, Krispy Kreme.
Some are probably going to hop on the fixation of health issues. Well, considering that Dunkin’ Donuts doesn’t deep-fry their products, of course they are healthier.
But honestly, when it comes to something generally as unhealthy as a doughnut, emphasis on taste and quality wins business, not lower calories and fat content. And another thing, if Dunkin’ Donuts is and always was so good, why did it close down here years ago in the first place while Krispy Kreme stayed strong?
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